it was difficult than,.... it is difficult now..

"it was difficult than".... "it is difficult now"

A great span of life has moved in between, 

She was attractive to me than, before I even spoke to her as she is now. 

Is it about her?

Going into situations where things became complicated, lot of misunderstanding and than everything back to square one. 

Admiring & thinking, what not. It finally, it turned out to be true?
"Why things cannot get second chance and whatever mistakes are done can be corrected". 
 The time passed will never come back, priorities change, good for some and  some priorities always remains same. 

"I want to change my priorities, things, people,  which are my priority now and to establish that you should be in their priority list".
But does it happen. Sometimes not and so the priority never change. 

You keep looking into your life, regretting each and every time thinking what mistakes made. thinking my life could have been different if I would not have made that mistake. 

Really?, Life could have been different. You goes into thinking mode. 
OK, I could have corrected, I could have done that differently and not have made the mistake. 

"But How my life would have been. Whether, I would have liked that". 
Or whatever happened is right, Whatever happened, may be there are more regrets and less happiness and sometimes when you are happy and have less regrets. 

Life seems always up & down of mistakes. Than suddenly you feel, whatever you would have done, destiny would have been the same. 

Sometime, you don't have a choice things happened because you are out of choice. Who gives you choice or you jumped to it early than waiting for the right opportunity. 
"That also looks right, I should have waited for the right moment and should not have jumped for it". 
How to decide the right movement, who will decide. In a country of more than a billion population where waiting for anything cannot be suggested, whatever comes grab it and move on. 

Imagine a Mumbai local, full of people. It's impossible to get a seat during some hours, Life is sometimes like that. Or imagine you are in group and some will get the seat and some will not. May be I did not get one, and others got. Hence My life is not to the the level I expected it to be.  

But Others are also really happy, coming out of age you realize, is he/ she trying to copy you, doing a certain thing in a certain manner you like to do, means, there life is also not perfect and they also lack something or may be what you feel they also feel for you. Or its just representation of something which they do similar to you and now you are noticing and thinking. 

You are at a stage of life, where you don't copy anyone or you realized its not important anymore.
You are comfortable in your loneliness, you don't want to beg anyone and want to change your life. May be you are to tired of doing what you have done years ago and even succeeded few times. Is it because where you want to try, people are same, or ultimately you will land up at the same place where you are now.    It can be anything because you have not tried, sometimes you feels let me try, It will change for the better if it will change, otherwise I am what I am. Too many variable going round and round without any results, and sometimes you realize i have passed so much of my time or years that it gives you a thought, do you have any clue about it. 

It is a stage, you are bound to things which you don't have a choice. 
Rat race is with respect to the profession alone?, beyond office hours also you go round and round repeating the safe stuff again and again, when somewhere in your my you want to get out of it and doesn't know whereto. 
In your bed you realize, I am too tired to sleep. sleeping, the monotonous job, is also taken over by your mind and its so hard for you to sleep. Deep in dreams created by your own thoughts, uneasy in your sleep, suddenly alarm reminds you to getup, and the process  continues without giving a break. 
" What am I thinking, and why I am thinking?", do I lack emotional support, I don't have anybody to discuss this with or I don't have faith in anybody, who can understand my situation. 
Somewhere thought goes, do someone is free from all this, don't they have there own stuff to think of.
It may turnout in places, where of telling my situation, I will be listing to there problems, and I will listen to, because I know how important it is to listen. During the course you realize, there problems are no problems, And my stuff no body can understand. 
and the thinking cycle continues...